Long Live Queen Paula

Philippians 4:13 "I Can Do All Things..." by Warren E. Berkley

2011-07-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share this because in the midst of my struggle, I find that so many of my friends and family are having a tougher go at it than I. Through our faith, our belief, we are strong.

If you just read the first part of this verse, it would immediately sound an alarm indicating arrogance: "I can do all things." This was the spirit that attempted to build the tower of Babel. This was the downfall of men like Saul or the Egyptian Pharaoh. Many today infected by humanism and without any trust in God - make the same claim: "I can do all things."

But the next two words in the verse take this out of the context of arrogance altogether: "through Christ." It is not a boast of self: "I can do all things." It is, I can do all things through Christ! There is a huge difference. It is one thing for someone to say, "I can do all things." It is quite different to confess, "I can do all things through Christ."

To get the impact of this, stop and think about what you couldn't do without Him! You could not effectively and thoroughly know your lost condition. Without Him, you could not have adequate concepts of God. Without Him, you could realize no victory over sin. Without Him, we would all be a victim of the wrath to come. Jesus said to His disciples "without Me you can do nothing," (Jno. 15:5). In Ephesians 2:12 teaches outside of Christ, we have "no hope" and we are "without God in the world."

So with Christ through Him; in our relationship of active faith in Him we have strength we could not have any other way! Strength to adequately evaluate ourselves. Strength to know the difference between right and wrong (by faithfully applying His Word). Strength that comes through the remission of our sins. Strength in response to prayer we offer to God through Him. Strength of character as we follow His example and obey Him. This is strength in such abundance, we are able to do everything God wants us to do. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

"Of the strength which Christ can impart, Paul had had abundant experience; and now his whole reliance was there. It was not in any native ability which he had; not in any vigor of body or of mind; not in any power which there was in his own resolutions; it was in the strength that he derived from the Redeemer. By that he was enabled to bear cold, fatigue, and hunger; by that, he met temptations and persecutions; and by that, he engaged in the performance of his arduous duties" (Barnes).

By Warren E. Berkley
From Expository Files 12.4; April 2005

http://www.bible.ca/

Last Goodbye...2/2009

2009-01-03T05:54:00.000-08:00

During the dreaded drive to my eldest brother's burial, with cars graciously pulling over to the side of the road to allow our parade of mourning to pass, an ambulance, unable to adhere to respectfully allowing us to pass, zoomed past the procession with haste.

The irony crushed my chest like a heavy rock through my windshield, as I watched the red blaring bus howl to save a life as we, slowly, about 40 miles per hour, hesitantly said good-bye to one.

You will be missed Weasle.

Love,

Babysister

Uncle ManyNames: A farewell

2008-06-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Skeet, Skeetah, Pete, Peter, Uncle Pete, Uncle Skeet, Uncle Peterson. My smiling uncle of so many names, father, brother, son, caretaker, survivor finally let go.

He will be missed, his laughter, his good heart and his great cooking.

Momma C: Missing you

2008-06-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

She thought of this name in the midst of her newly found freedom, her starting over in life, the mother of my bestfriend, when I asked her what I should call her.

She was wonderful to me, treating me like I was one of her own and giving me her mother of the bride dress which I gladly wore to my school's prom.

She was tough in her own way, she knew when to fight and when to say, "I've had enough". I can only ever hope to have a morsel of the strength that she truly possessed.

In deepest loving memory.

The Loss of a Friend Makes Me Think that...

2008-06-05T18:12:00.000-07:00

Life is so fragile,

we should make sure that we bask in the blessed gift that God gives us each day...

we should always call our friends with a smile in our voice,

send them silly emails and

get together every once in a while to

just laugh

together.

My cousin's Mom sent this to me...

2008-05-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

...and it was so striking that I just had to post it.
I don't know who the author is, nor the poet,
but it is beautiful and
a definite description
of the women in my family.

What Makes a Boy Into A Man?

2008-05-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

“…a man is a man when he knows what it takes to survive. A man has determination. Self-control. Self-discipline. He knows where he fits, where he stands in the world. He’s come to terms with his own father…a strong woman can raise a son as good as any man can. But its easier for a man to do it because he’s been through it himself.”

Character: Nate from
“Always true To You in My Fashion” by Valerie Wilson Wesley

In Memory of...

2007-11-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

M. I.
Who have your tones touched deeply?
What melody from your breath evoked tears
Of joy and pain?
What tune brought forth sweet memories when
The world of music was innocent, brand new and
Still growing?
What requests made you smile.
What solo brought people to their feet with accolades
Tone rich and mysterious abysses deep?
What vision in the minds of those who ears were stroked by
Your instrument still lives on?
Then so will you.
Then so will you.

Rest in Peace, always in memory, Mr. Ivery.

QP
10/30/07

2007-09-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

We all go through things…

But sometimes as a friend, you just wanna call another friend and say a short “what’s up?”, “How’s it going?” and “Great, well, I’ll chat with ya later.”

Sometimes, maybe you are calling a friend because you are going through something and just want to talk BUT instead end up listening to them whine about their life for 20 minutes and all you get to say is “uh-huh”, “yeah” and “sure.”

And then when they finish whining they have to go and you are left still with something pressing on your mind, not letting it out and feeling totally and completely alone.
Oh well, at least they got to share their feelings, even if it was at the expense of yours, you are still a good friend…you will just probably call that person as a last and final resort from here on out…

“lean on me when you’re not strong…
cause I’m gonna need somebody to lean on..”

2007-08-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

I wish my heart

was like the recycle icon

on my computer.

With one click,

it would be empty

of all the useless crap

that floats around

taking up unnecessary space.

I don't Know Karate...But I know CARAZY!

2007-08-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

Walking through the parking lot of Wally World, I heard a male voice shouting:
“GET OUT! GET OUT!”
In between the shouts were words of a language that I could not understand; but I didn’t need to understand it because what I heard was anger. As I got closer I saw two beautiful little Asian girls getting out of a tan mini-van. One looked to be about 9 and the other was no more than 6. The youngest was crying. I stopped and asked the older sister if her little sister was ok and she just shook her head no and looked down at her little sister. The little girl was in tears. Then I looked in the van and saw their father. A spineless Jackass who yelled, rejected and ejected his daughters from the car, probably for being a little bratty which is what little kids do best. I walked away from the two children and stood where the father sat in the nice air conditioned van while his two daughters stood outside in the humid Texas heat. I mouthed the words “ASSHOLE” to him and took out my cell phone. I stopped a Wally World associate to see if there was security on duty and suddenly the father let his daughters back in the van. I stood there a little while longer staring this jackass down. Honestly I wanted to go over to that van and drag him out and beat the crap out of him.
However, he is supposed to be his daughters protector, he is supposed to be the first man they love and respect and receive love and respect from. I could not have the little girls see their father get jacked up by an angry black woman who feels it is her duty to protect every child on the earth as if they were her own.
Hmmm…maybe in a few years when the youngest daughter is swinging from a metal pole in a dark smoky club for two buck tips, the father will have a reflective moment, wondering how his beautiful little girl could have ended up like that. Little kids need their fathers; they can do without selfish, mindless rejection.
After a while of standing and staring the father down, I continued into the store, trying hard to suppress the tears burning my eyes.

The Lucky Teacher

2007-08-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

Lucky are the teachers who have all the resources they need at their finger tips:
For they do not have to rely on co-workers or pure creativity to create lesson for young needy minds.

Lucky are the teachers who don’t have to worry about where their students will sleep at night, if they will eat, if they will survive until the next morning.

Lucky are the teachers who are not confidants to students who are mentally, physically or sexually abused.

Lucky are the teachers who will never have to look down into a pink lined casket at one of their most beautiful students.

Lucky are the teachers who will never have to speak over the phone to a student with a traumatic head wound, burns over 33% of their bodies or whose baby had just died at birth.

Lucky are the teachers who don’t receive letters from students recently incarcerated for most of their youthful adult lives.

Lucky are the teachers who don’t have to shed tears with the sexually confused students, the failing student or the student who just lost their parent to a drug overdose or worse, murder.

Lucky are the teachers who aren’t accidentally called “Mom”, or offered a couple of hundred dollars for their birthday by the student who only sells drugs to help out his family.

Lucky are the teachers who don’t have to wake up the 15 year old pregnant student in class, who is dead tired from being up with her ill 2 year old all night.

Blessed, however, are the teachers who laugh, cry and worry, with and for their students, who teach, parent, counsel, fuss, fight and defend their students.

Blessed are the teachers who reach beyond teaching and into caring and sharing and inspiring, for they shall inherit the most precious memories of a lifetime.

---- qp
(c) 6/2007

I love you, in a hundred words...or less...

2007-07-31T13:20:00.000-07:00

I love your passion and ambition for life.

The way you hug and cherish children

and the way you smile at me and

the sweet way your eyes light up

when you talk about someone or something you like.

I love how you dream up stories and great machines

that will change mankind.

How you love doing things for people

for no real reason other than to be a good person.

I love the way you hug me

when we haven’t seen each other for quite a while

and how you linger when you say good bye.
I love the way you laugh, smile, walk and talk.

It makes me want give you everything I have,

every last drop.

People I am thankful for...*

2007-07-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

My son, who made it into this world healthy and alive despite everything

My grandparents for raising me

My family next door who helped to raise me

My bio Mom for having me and supporting me

My step mom for believing in me

My step Dad for being so strong and bouncing back

My Bio Dad who will never say he loves me but will show it

My sister for not being afraid of love

My little brother on lockdown but still bringing hope

My baby brother for wanting more from life

My first nephew for facing reality with sword in hand

My cousin who proved she wasn’t a welfare queen with four kids

My best friend who cried with me when my life was in an uproar

My friend who lost her little girl tragically but never shows it

My friend who loves his kids, loves me and my son and sees me for the dynamic "sustah" that I am.

My friend who is facing the reality of raising her son alone and doing great

My life long friend who is so wise she could be president

My friend in California that will never give up his artist dream

My friend the actress in Dallas who is the mother of all

My former mother-in-law who has great encouragement and a story to tell

My teacher friend offering up the positive when I am tempted to give in to the negative

My students who believe that they will learn something from me everyday

My Savior…

*this list will continue to grow

This is joy...

2007-06-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

His early morning smile,

the joy he embraces at seeing a full orange moon in the sky.

How much he loves

trucks

motorcycles

music

and spinning in circles.

This is my babyboy.

This is my joy.

Smitten: Being Vague

2007-04-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

As for the words and thoughts and sighs and aspirations that fly from him, they are so many tremulations in the ether, and not alive at all. DH Lawrence

At some moment in our lives, we have all wanted to declare something and we could not. In the midst of those times, I like to write poetry because it is so illusive and vague. No one really knows what in the hell I am rambling on and on about. Only the one that the poem is written for really "gets it" but usually that person, my muse, never reads it to "get it".
So anyway, I am presently, at one of those stages where I really, really want to say something, but I can't so I type out these mere "tremulation in the ether". My simple ode to someone who will never read this:

Smitten

Fickle
Tickled
Flirting
And I don’t know why.

Chatting
Back
And
Forth
Sharing
But I don’t know what it will lead to.

Daydreaming
Scheming
Am I just dreaming?

Up and down in
Some fantasy
That is all
In
My mind?

Never hurts to try
Right?

See I told ya....

Dedication to the “DEAD”

2007-04-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

…You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.
So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind…Evanescent...I could not have said this better myself

The Queens Blues

2007-04-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

“I wondered about love and wondered if I would find in myself the strength to give love, and to take it: to accept my nakedness as sacred, and to hold sacred the nakedness of another. For without love, pleasure’s inventions are soon exhausted.”

--- James Baldwin (Just Above My Head)

For the past three years, since I lost whom I thought was the absolute love of my life, I had been unable to listen to love songs. Songs of found love, lost love, new love, old love, it didn’t matter, I couldn’t bare the sound.
Then suddenly today, I found myself listening to Musiq Soulchild’s “Love”, a song I had banished and refused to hear, a song that could bring me to tears, make me pull over to the side of the road, if I was driving, and drown in my tears. But today, I listened, I sang and it felt good.
What the..? I thought and then it hit me.
Recently, very recently, I spent an evening with a wonderful friend. We laughed, we talked, we debated. He made me smile, he made me feel sexy and smart and coy and bold and all of those things I used to feel before…
Whoa, whoa, pop your eyes back in your head, this is not about love, not by a long shot…Well maybe it is about self-love or confidence or attitude or autonomy.
Well, what ever it is I am grateful for its return. My old friend helped me to find a part of me I thought I would never have the desire to recover. And now, once again, I have … desire.

Everybody Can't Be Zane! : Over Sexualized Neo Black Fiction…

2007-03-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

" I like Zane, she makes no apologies for her works of erotic art."

---writer, Queen Paula

"A legend among her fellow authors as far as erotic literary fiction goes."
-- Today's Black Woman

*********************************************************************************

I received my mini-catalogue in the mail to order books by Black authors. And I must say I found some great buys: Hill Harper’s Letters to a Young Brother, Sharon Ewell Foster’s Abraham’s Well, and the sequel to Cane River, Talita Tademy’s Red River.
However, something else caught my eye, the titles and covers of some of our new up and coming authors: Thug-A-Licious, Is the B**** Dead or what?, Satisfy me, Sex in the Hood 2 and Riding Dirty on I-95. Ok those are just the titles, the covers are even more suggestive with sisters and brothers in sexy couple posses, half dressed sisters looking very ready to be…but I digress.

I AM NOT HATIN’
I am proud to see such a wide variety of reading, but what besides sex and messiness are these books offering? Are they feeding any other appetite but those hungry for profanity, sex and drama? What are the true lesson’s learned? Is there content to the character of these book?
I have decided to put myself on an Omar Tyree regimen.

I am going to start with his first novel and read through his current to see what I am or am not missing. I pick him as my lead in writer to this nuevo type of novel because he seems to have set the pace, right along with E. Lynn Harris (but I have read his work and have found content).

I am curious to se if these new authors are following
their leads and mimicking what they think
“we” avid readers want.
I’ll get back with ya…

A Year of Taking Chances...

2006-12-25T06:07:00.000-08:00

"We will never have to be other than who we are in order to be successful...We realize that we are as ourselves unlimited and our experiences valid. It is for the rest of the world to recognize this, if they choose." --Alice Walker (Democracy Now, 2006)
So every new years usually comes equipped with a do it yourself resolution kit:

Loose weight

Join a gym

Stop smoking

Commit to a real relationship

Go back to school

Find a better job

Repair that baaaaad asssssss credit

You get the message. So of course I opened my resolution kit early this year and it stated:

"Take more chances"

Chances on what? Everything! Stop putting off the things you truly have a desire to do:

Start that new business

Ask that guy or girl out on a date
Stand up to that pushy person

Buy that car, home, Prada® bag
Get those breast implants

And take to heart this quote:
“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much,
takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries” – Theodore Isaac Rubin

What's in a Name...?

2006-12-22T06:03:00.000-08:00

QueenPaula --

[noun]:

A beat poet working the streets

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Pisces: Its in the Stars...yeah right!

2006-12-21T14:44:00.000-08:00

“Another stellar romantic night could turn out to be New Year's Eve, December 31, when Mars, planet of energy, will meet up with your ruling planet, Neptune. It should be a night filled with music, poetry, and delicious holiday foods, giving this evening a four-star rating.”

---------------------Susan Miller www.astrologyzone.com

Key word here is “another”…I’m still waiting on the first “stellar romantic night.”
I want to believe this prediction, really, I do. But come on people! This snippet of my December horoscope only confirms the truth that people have been avoiding for centuries…horoscopes are not reliable or real!
First of all, if I am going to have this “stellar night” in less than two weeks, where the hell is the participating party? Mr. Stellar “Knight” better make him self known fast, if this prediction is to come to fruition.

"...a night filled with music, poetry nd delicious holiday foods..."

Sounds heavenly, the perfect way to end the year right? Yeah well, what that really means is the music will be Butterbean banging on pots and pans with a wooden spoon, poetry...a Dr. Suess book before bedtime and the delicious holiday food: pizza (still hot upon delivery). Yum.

Maybe the real prediction should have read:

“Your New Years Eve will be like every other night. Butterbean will break something, spill something and throw his nightly fit. You’ll watch the news, a Will & Grace rerun and attempt to stay up to watch the ball drop in Time Square, but won’t make it. You will be asleep by 11:00pm.”

Now that is more like it!

To everyone else,

Happy New Year and be safe out there!

The Unbearable Inevitability of Parenthood

2006-12-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

For the holiday’s, I love going to the Galleria. The decorations, the hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers and of course, that big giant tree in the middle of the ice-skating rink. It’s even more special now because I get to enjoy it with my son.
So Saturday, we venture over to the cushy foamy play area, where kids run and scream and jump. Even though the rules are posted as no running, or jumping, perhaps that rule is for the parents. So as my son screams around the play area with other screaming 10 month to about six year olds, I sip my Starucks and chat with other parents.
Then I notice something.
This incredibly handsome man walks by the play area. He is Calvin Klein, TV model gorgeous. Tall, deep, dark eyes light naturally curly wavy hair…ok you get it.
As he walked by he glanced over at the commotion of the play area. His face held a light smile; he could not take his off of that kids at play. It was as if he was looking into his future; perhaps he saw himself, standing there, rocking a stroller of twin boys while watching his little girl play. Or maybe he was thinking, "oh God not me." The small bag he had in his hand possibly held the gold band that would forever seal his fate: held hostage at the play area in the Galleria chatting with other parents while his kid screams around the play area with other little screamers.
Once our eyes met I smiled at him and he smiled back. My smile reassured him. My smiled let him know that at that moment as I watched my son crawl over the slipper play bridge and slide into another kid, that there was no place on earth I would have rather been at that moment.
He took another glance around the play area and then walked on.
Happy Holidays!

Tahiti: What doesn't this brother do?

2005-12-29T08:52:00.000-08:00

How are you?
I am doing fantasticlly well, thank you for asking.

What productions are you involved with right now?
I am doing post production on a movie called "Rims" starring JD Jimmerson the IV and Marquis Daniels (aka Agg Foe and Kasper G) - two local (Fort Worth ) rappers that play the lead rolls. It also has cameo's from Money Waters (Dallas Rapper) and 97.9 the Beats Headkrack, Keynote and Supa K.

What sparked your interest in your field?
My fathe is a huge movie buff - so It rubbed off on me. *Tahiti with PPT

What is the most memorable part you have played?
I have only been in one Movie - it's called "Digging for Dollars" you can rent it at at any Blockbuster or Hollywood video. I played a crack head named "Jit".
(Damn, I thought you would say "Barry" the poet in Omar's Wedding!)

Do you have any interest in writing, directing, producing?
It's funny that you should ask - 'cause that is what I do. Ha Ha! Are you psychic?

What drives you, fame, family, passion for your craft?
What drives me is my family and one day being able to provide for them on any level.

What was the last book you read?
The last book I read was one of those Jerome Dickey novels. It was really really Gay.

What part would you really like to play?
I would love to play some kind of cool person, since I'm not one in real life.
(You mean like a knight in shining armor who rushes to save a lady in distress?)

What if your kids want to get into the business, what would your response to that be?
I would be happy for them. When a kid knows what they want to do early on in life they have more time to get good at it.

No Complaints Here

2005-09-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

I can't complain. No really, I can't and I refuse. I've had some hard times this past year, but I still have a home, ajob and most importantly, my son. Can you imagine, the cute little trinkets you sit around your home, the old yellow and faded family pictures, suddenly gone, just washed away? Your job, your neighbors, your neighborhood, just a memory. Can you imagine having to start your entire life all over again?
As our brother's and sister's take refuge across the country from Katrina's destruction, let us simply ask God to bless them. Let us be thankful for what we have and the next time you open the fridge and all of the soda is gone, don't pitch a fit, don't complain. Just be thankful you had money, to buy soda, to put in a refrigerator, in your kitchen, in your home.

Dude Where's My Cruiser

2005-08-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ever got up in the morning, started your day as normal, grab your things, head out the door to your car...and its GONE!
Well, that's happened to me, Friday, August 19th, 2005. My son "Butterbean" and I walk outside and no car. It's gone, vanished, voom, nothing. My 2001, "Cranberry" or "Purple" Chrysler PT Cruiser, no where to be found.
Now you're gonna love this, the thieves actually took the time to take my car seat and stroller out of the car, along with some other personal affects, which they graciously bagged up in a garbage bags. You just don't find such kind thieves like that these days.

I have quite a history with my car who I named "Friday". Why, because I bought her (brand spankin' new) on a Thursday and she broke down on a Friday? Being a first year car she had major growing pains which eventually she out grew and we have been together ever since.
Anyway, for those of you who don't know this is what Friday looks like ------>.
Isn't she adorable. She also has a IBOC (Inspiring Body of Christ) bumper sticker on her hiney, she was a bit dirty because I hadn't had a chance to spruce her up yet. Anyway, to all my friends and family thanks for the support so far and if you happen to see my "Friday" get with me.

Words on the Rise

2005-08-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Best wishes to Kat a.k.a. Peni-El Raphakumwah on her first publication In Seeking Solace. Yall, seriously, this sustah is BAAAAAD with some good words.
Her poetry is haunting, sweet, sexy, full of joy and pain.
It is timeless "wordsmithing" and will be around when we are long gone. I am very proud of her and proud to call this person of such great talent my friend.
Rap on KAT!

Plink,Plink,Plink Watch those Names Drop

2005-08-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

There is a bit of truth to the saying "its who you know".
While most people might be humble enough to say "this is my shout out to..." I'm going to keep it real and just straight drop the names of people who are somebody or will someday be somebody and I want part of that history right here on my blog. And yes family/infamous friends, eventually your names will be mentioned as well ( you know I "wuvs" you!)

But right I have to first mention Varian Johnson, friend and published author who called me out on his blog. I met Varian at WOWWS (Words of Wisdom Writers Society, founded by delmetria millener). After reading just the first rough chapter of "Red...", I knew that Varian would someday be a successful, published writer. His ability to convey the thoughts and feelings of an 18 year old misfit is truly uncanny. Best wishes to you,Varian.

Ok in my very first entry I mentioned the name Tahiti. This is a man of many, many roles, father, rapper, artist, filmmaker, editor, writer and more. Tahiti and I have been friends for freakin' ever and he is a trusted creative partner.
In 2001 we produced "Omar's Wedding" a short film about a young woman "Tanisha" played by the incomparable Jerrika Hinton ---> trying desperately to let go of her former beau (played smoothly <----by Chuck Sly of Rubba Road) who is soon to be wed. Also starring in our short was playwright and producer LaTerras R. Whitfield. If the name sounds familiar it because of the hit play "What Men Won't Tell" presented by Marvelous Entertainment. Then there is Pikahsso, since this brothah leaves me speechless, a very rare occurence, you have to see it to believe it yourself. Word is there is a VERB video shoot coming up in November 2005, check his website for more info on who, where, when and the what...
Finally, because I could go on and on with all of the talented people I know, there is C. Stephen Foster, playwright, actor, instructor, and dear, dear friend. Stephen's play "Legends and Bridge" took LA by storm last year and is hopefully headed towards bigger and better things. Stephen honey, "it is BIG".

Who is this Queen Person?

2005-08-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Queen Paula, mother of one and friend to many. I am an all around bibliophile and writer of erotic fiction, poetry, stage and screenplays.I have one short film under my belt entitled "Omar's Wedding" filming was completed September 9th, 2001. Its currently in the can (that's film talk for Tahiti was traumatized by the unfortunate events of 9/11 and has since then been unable to touch the work).