Smitten: Being Vague

As for the words and thoughts and sighs and aspirations that fly from him, they are so many tremulations in the ether, and not alive at all. DH Lawrence

At some moment in our lives, we have all wanted to declare something and we could not. In the midst of those times, I like to write poetry because it is so illusive and vague. No one really knows what in the hell I am rambling on and on about. Only the one that the poem is written for really "gets it" but usually that person, my muse, never reads it to "get it".
So anyway, I am presently, at one of those stages where I really, really want to say something, but I can't so I type out these mere "tremulation in the ether". My simple ode to someone who will never read this:

Smitten

Fickle
Tickled
Flirting
And I don’t know why.

Chatting
Back
And
Forth
Sharing
But I don’t know what it will lead to.

Daydreaming
Scheming
Am I just dreaming?

Up and down in
Some fantasy
That is all
In
My mind?

Never hurts to try
Right?

See I told ya....

Dedication to the “DEAD”

…You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.
So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind…Evanescent...I could not have said this better myself

The Queens Blues

“I wondered about love and wondered if I would find in myself the strength to give love, and to take it: to accept my nakedness as sacred, and to hold sacred the nakedness of another. For without love, pleasure’s inventions are soon exhausted.”

--- James Baldwin (Just Above My Head)

For the past three years, since I lost whom I thought was the absolute love of my life, I had been unable to listen to love songs. Songs of found love, lost love, new love, old love, it didn’t matter, I couldn’t bare the sound.
Then suddenly today, I found myself listening to Musiq Soulchild’s “Love”, a song I had banished and refused to hear, a song that could bring me to tears, make me pull over to the side of the road, if I was driving, and drown in my tears. But today, I listened, I sang and it felt good.
What the..? I thought and then it hit me.
Recently, very recently, I spent an evening with a wonderful friend. We laughed, we talked, we debated. He made me smile, he made me feel sexy and smart and coy and bold and all of those things I used to feel before…
Whoa, whoa, pop your eyes back in your head, this is not about love, not by a long shot…Well maybe it is about self-love or confidence or attitude or autonomy.
Well, what ever it is I am grateful for its return. My old friend helped me to find a part of me I thought I would never have the desire to recover. And now, once again, I have … desire.